updating

I'm really bad at this blogging thing. It's not much different from journaling which I do often lately but for some reason I enjoy writing my thoughts more than typing them. So anyway, I guess I will do a quick update of what's been going on lately for those of you who are trying to keep up with my progress with getting to Colombia.

Raising support is soo hard. I really do not do well with asking for money. Everytime someone says "I would like to give you a donation" I feel the urge to say "Oh, you don't have to do that" or "that's way to much money, are you sure you want to do that?". Yeah I am a retard but all my life it has been difficult for me to accept things from people whether compliments, help, or money and material things. But this part of my journey really depends on me asking people for their help (sometimes more than once). With that said, I really am going to try to suck it up and get out there. It's been great so far but not because of what I've done. I just happen to know many unselfish people who will give without me bothering them about it. My mentor at my job, for example, had already given me a donation a few months ago and recently asked how my support was coming and wrote me a check double the first one. And people who I havent even sent letters to directly have heard about it through familiy or friends and sent the donation without me even knowing. I have a long way to go to reach my full amount, but it has been such an amazing experience to see the kindness of others that if this is all the support I am able to get, I will feel blessed (although my bank account/my parents' will not like it so much).

I never imagined how many ups and downs I can experience in even just one day about this journey. It's mostly the emotions involved with leaving things and people behind but I am glad I am dealing with them now I guess so that maybe I won't be hit so hard with them when I get there. I often have nights when it is difficult to fall asleep because I fear, not getting kidnapped by the FARC, but leaving the airport while my mom cries and seeing the worried look of my parents as they see off their 1st child for a year of her life, with obvious thoughts of what could happen to her in one of the most dangerous countries in South America. That's a pretty painful image if you haven't experienced anything like it before.

It's interesting to people that being kidnapped is no longer something that scares me. I figure if it happens, at least I will have been doing something with a greater purpose at the time and will therefore have no regrets. I'd much rather have that happen to me that to allow my body to waste away from my diabetes over the years while doing the same thing day after day. Life is an adventure and I will not settle for less. Of course, if kidnapping becomes a reality I will probably pee on myself or faint but I don't want the fear of what could happen scare me away from the amazing opportunities that the world has to offer. "Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive". I really can relate to this quote lately as I think about how I long for new, exciting experiences to make me feel truely alive. I need challenge and adventure so that I have to trust God with my life.

It's been tough lately at work thinking about the kids I am leaving behind and all the relationships I have built with each of them this year. I started telling my students a few weeks ago because I wanted them to be used to the idea. I have grown to love my students as if I had 50-70 kids of my own (some feel more like my kids than others). If I think about leaving them, I usually start to tear up because I worry if they will have teachers in the future who will truely invest in them and love them as much as I do. I want to be there to help them through their problems and make sure someone is protecting and watching over them. Many of my students can be overlooked because they are quiet since they cannot voice their opinions as easily as their english speaking peers. These are my babies, my first students of my teaching career. I don't think it will be as difficult to leave future students as it will my first ones. Hopefully I can keep up with them to know what they are doing 5-10 years from now.

I have many more thoughts to share about the ups and downs but that will have to wait til the next one...